The Art of Putting Your Baby Down Drowsy, But Awake: Tips for Success
I’m sure you have been asked, “Can your baby put themselves to sleep?” This question is popular, and most of the time, parents will tell me they have never been able to simply put their baby down without them screaming. While there is no straightforward answer, there are steps that can be taken to move in the right direction, and with time, your child, too, could put themselves to sleep.
I normally start with a pre-sleep routine. Such as a bedtime routine and then a shortened version of that routine for naptime.
Having a pre-sleep routine in place is like an alarm clock telling your child that sleep is coming. It is also a great time for your child to accept that sleep is about to happen. I have a more in-depth blog on that here. I would not skip this step, though, it is really important. I would also have this in place and solid for three days before starting anything more.
Then, I would look for sleepy cues. If you get a drowsy baby in the right state, that is the first step to them drifting off to sleep peacefully in bed and not in your arms. When your child shows signs of being tired, you should instantly start the pre-sleep routine. I will include a picture below.
Sometimes, simply knowing when your child is sleepy is the key to why they are not falling asleep in their bed. Sadly, some babies do not have sleepy cues, and in this case, you will follow number 3 way more closely.
Ensure your child’s awake windows are appropriate for their age. If you are unsure, I have a blog here. Sometimes, simply ensuring awake windows are age-appropriate can fix a lot of sleep issues.
I can’t tell you how many times simply adjusting awake windows has solved sleeping problems. I would almost say this is truly the golden ticket to getting a baby to sleep “drowsy but awake.” Here's my secret formula: if your child falls asleep around the 15-minute mark, you've hit the mark perfectly. If they fall asleep in less than 15 minutes after being laid down, they are overtired. If it takes longer than 15 minutes, they weren't tired enough. After 30 minutes, I stop trying to get them to nap, get them up, and try again in 30 minutes.
The sleeping environment also needs to be ideal for sleeping.
Using sound machines, blackout blinds, and maintaining the right room and child temperature can help. A newborn might sleep well in a bright, quiet room, but as they grow, they’ll need a dark room and some kind of sound machine to block out unexpected loud noises. I often hear people say, “These babies just won’t sleep anymore,” while they’re watching TV with the lights on. I think, well, no, I couldn’t sleep either. The sleeping space must be suited for sleep.
If you needed to go to the bathroom and you were to set your child in their crib while you did so, would they scream? If the answer is yes, then you need to get your child familiar with their sleeping space.
I can help more with this if you need it, but essentially, allow them crib time a bit each day with you close by to familiarize them with their crib. Practice 3 minutes for a couple of days, and then 5 minutes for a couple of days, and so on. You should be able to place your baby into the crib for short bits of time while you do things around the room without your child getting upset. When doing these exercises, ensure the blinds are open, the lights are on if needed, and the sound machine is not on. This will let your child know that it is not a sleep, but rather just a time to relax.. This will ensure that when you place them in bed when they are drowsy, they will not cry, as they know this place and like to be there.
Consistency is a crucial part of helping a child learn to sleep on their own. Regardless of age. My toddler used to tell me when it was bedtime!
Whatever pre-sleep routine you choose, stick to that. When you are trying anything new with sleep, try it for at least three days before deciding it did or did not work. When I was a nanny, I got all five kids to sleep at the same time through consistency. Everyone’s bodies knew when nap time was coming, and that is how I got a break, and all parents and caregivers deserve a break! So keep up with putting your child down drowsy but awake, you will get there. If you need to gently jiggle the crib or pat your child to sleep, this is still considered a win! Getting the child to sleep while in bed and not in your arms is a great start to getting where you want to be. Patting and crib jiggling, once used successfully for over a week, can be slowly reduced and faded out over another week, and then you have a baby who can be placed into bed awake, to fall asleep on their own.
This is not THE TICKET to a baby going to sleep drowsy but awake, and in bed, but it is the formula for getting there. The sooner you start putting your baby to bed drowsy but awake, the sooner you get to the state of your baby falling asleep happily on their own. Knowing you are close by and will get them when they need you.
And as I always say, with sleep, use the golden 15-minute rule. If your child is falling asleep 15 minutes after being placed into bed, you hit the sweet spot, and it should be a great long nap. If your child fell asleep in under 15 minutes, they were over-tired, and you could have gotten them to bed sooner. They might take a great nap, but they also might take a short one and wake up grumpy. If it took over 15 minutes for your child to fall asleep, they were not tired enough. If you hit the 30-minute mark and they are still up, I would get them out of bed and try again in 30 minutes.
If you would like more information or assistance in creating your own personalized plan, please don't hesitate to reach out.
